Updated on November 29th, 2017
You’ve met this great person. You really like them. Maybe you even have a bit of a crush on them. You’ve done a little research, and you know they’re not in a relationship. And you would love to get to know them better.
So you just go and ask them out, and take it from there. Simple, right?
Or maybe not so simple. And perhaps you could do with a few practical strategies for how to do that? Read on…
Because it can be simple, but often it’s not. As you think about asking them out, you start feeling nervous.
Whether you want to do it for Valentine’s Day or not: What if you don’t find the right moment? What if the right words elude you, and you turn into a stuttering wreck?
And what if they say no? Oh, the awkwardness, the embarrassment of it!
So doubts creep in, and you put it off. But the longer you don’t make up your mind, the bigger a deal it becomes. And as your confidence withers away, you slowly convince yourself that maybe it’s better to play it safe after all.
It takes courage to ask someone out
Being nervous about it is normal – at any age, really. And yet sometimes, in order to move something worthwhile forward, we need to get through our nervousness and fear, and take a leap of faith.
Now, if you’re not feeling ready, or need to unlock deeper emotional barriers first, by all means take your time. But if you want to overcome your nervousness and ask that great person out, here are 5 strategies to help you build the confidence to do it.
1 Invest in yourself – inside and out
Treat your body well. Eat healthily, sleep and move enough. Do what you can to look your best. Do things you enjoy and are good at. Notice any negative inner self-talk and start acknowledging positives about yourself, too.
Stop comparing yourself to others: You are a worthy human being, warts and all.
Making an effort in this way shows you (and others) that you care about yourself. And feeling good about yourself on the inside and out supports your confidence.
So you can take that leap of faith, and not be crushed if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for.
2 Bust your fears
Fear is a normal response when we’re about to stretch ourselves. Be gentle with yourself, but don’t let it stop you: It’s getting over your fears, again and again, that over time, will strengthen your belief in yourself and your ability to do things.
So prepare yourself to ask that great person out:
Which could be a good moment? What could you ask them? How could you say it? What would make it easier for you?
Remind yourself of a similar situation you’ve mastered in the past, despite being nervous: What did you do then that could also help you now?
3 Practice, practice, practice
Practice taking a chance on things – big or small. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. And find your own ways of getting through the nerves.
Have you heard of the guy who practiced asking lots of women out (nicely!), one day in a cafe?
If that’s not your cup of tea (whether you’re a man or a woman) start a conversation with someone you don’t know at a social event.
Or learn talking to strangers: Smile, say hello, hold doors, offer to help lift a buggy…
Keep it light , have fun, even flirt if it feel right. And don’t worry about what people might think of you.
4 Just do it!
Preparation, practice and waiting for the right moment are good, but don’t over-think it. The longer you wait, the harder it gets, because:
“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence.
Inaction is not only the result, but also the cause of fear.”
Norman Vincent Peale
So tap into your courage, find your ‘Just Do It’ attitude, and take the plunge.
Deliberately taking on an open and confident physical posture will help you feel more confident, too. And breathing slowly into your belly will relax you, and take the edge off your nervousness.
5 Keep things in perspective
After all, you’re asking that great person to go out with you, not to marry you.
But what if they say no?
Don’t let it be a blow to your self-esteem. Think about it: Their ‘No’ has a lot to do with them, not you. They might not be open to meeting someone, or are just having a bad day.
And even if they are not interested in you, they are entitled to their opinion. No need for you to let this affect the way you see yourself.
Keep trying, because, in the grand scheme of things, when you’ll eventually be with a great person who is interested, what will all this matter?
Over to you now…
So, what confidence strategies have you applied to ask that special someone out? What’s worked? What hasn’t?
I’d love to read your comments, please share them below – thank you!
Title Photo: Pixabay